Here I sit on my couch on Easter Morning so very thankful for what and who is in my life.
I have seen a commercial lately that asks the question, would the child of your past like who you have become in present day?
This got me thinking (I know a dangerous thing, but bear with me...).
When I was fifteen years old and having a sleepover at my best friend's house, we often would talk about the futures we had planned for ourselves.
I was going to go to college and get my teaching degree and maybe, just maybe find a suitable guy to meet and marry, if I had the time. Yes I really said that over and over. Most people who knew me in high school assumed I would marry the guy I was dating who was from Hopkinsville, KY. Sometime in my Senior Year of high school, I got cold feet and broke up with this nice, Christian young man I was seeing. We even went to Senior Banquet together as friends but my heart was not in the relationship. I wanted to off to college and have an adventure.
When I was nineteen, I was newly married and a new mom to a baby girl, I got to take my first airplane ride to a foreign country to meet my husband and see the new Army base that would be home for a few years. I was petrified. I was excited to learn the Spanish language and to be a mom/wife and learn the 'Army ways' I had heard so much about. At that time, all I wanted was to be a good mom, and a good wife, and learn to cook (and not burn the dinner or biscuits).
As I was getting ready to turn 25, my life had taken a few more turns. I was raising Kourtney and Brian as a single mom, I was working for the State of Tennessee and trying to make ends meet. I had moments of depression wondering how on earth I was going to do right by my children being alone and wondering what I had to show for myself at the ripe 'old' age of 25. All of those plans made at 15 had been tossed aside and I was working a full time job, selling Avon part-time to fill in the gaps (since I wasn't getting any child support) and spending most of my waking hours worrying about my kids or the balance in the checkbook. I knew I had to keep working and putting the kids first and nothing else mattered. I refer to these years as the tunnel vision years.
On this Resurrection Sunday,
I am 46 years old,
Kourtney and Brian are both married with families of their own.
If I am lucky, I hear from Brian once a week and get to hear from my 3 grandchildren out in Utah.
Kourtney & her husband live just 10 minutes away and has 2 boys of her own and a growing dessert business (cakes, cookies, etc.)
I am working full-time as a caregiver for Developmental Services (graveyard shift 4 nights a week) and tomorrow start a part time job as a Bank Teller with a local bank here in town. It will be a lot of working hours and I will be tired on days I have to be at both places. But the idea is to work part time for about 6-8 weeks until the part-time position transitions into a full time position with benefits.
I am excited for the challenge and to do what I must do to get back on day shift (and get my Saturday's back!)
I am still working as much as I can, I am paying my bills and David and I have made a good life together in the 2 years we have been together.
I would like to talk to 15 year old Maryann and see what she thinks.. but honestly I hope all she asks is "Are you happy? Are you in a safe place?" I would happily tell her, "Yes, I am happy and I am in a good place. Life has finally worked itself out and God has blessed me with jobs, income, and a good person to share my life and later year with."
Don't ponder on it too long, but consider the thought.. would your younger self approve of what and where you are today?
Enjoy what you have, be thankful and be kind.
Don't forget to go hit the stores and get some of that half price candy that is on sale!
Take care of your friends and call/text them to make sure they are okay.. especially on a holiday weekend.
Love you all and Have a great week!
The hotline number (nope, I won't leave it out) is 1-800-799-7233