Wednesday, December 28, 2016

Take a moment

I don't know about you, but I feel as though I am just now today having a moment to rest after the whirlwind of holiday celebrations, travel, getting back to work and all the stuff life gives us after a trip away from home.

We were blessed to spend Christmas with the Williams Clan in West Tennessee. Love going there and being welcome by open arms by each and every person.

We were blessed to have meals prepared by Laura, Anna and even Kayla prepared a meal for the family over the weekend.

David got to see his nephews and that was precious time he enjoyed whether they were chatting, practicing duck calls, playing card games or playing music on their guitars.

On Christmas Day, David got phone calls from both his children and that was so good for them. He even took his phone around to the cousins so everyone could see his Abby after all these years.

All the gifts were opened and enjoyed, all the food was eaten or stored for later and love was around every table and no one left the Williams home without a few hugs goodbye and promises to see each other again soon.

Monday I took down the tree and it is stored away and will make it's way back to the storage building soon.

I am applying to several jobs again. I revamped my resume and doing an active search daily to make an effort to find the next opportunity of gainful employment.

In these quiet few days between Christmas and New Year's, I hope you take a moment to breathe, pray, be thankful and love on those around you. Don't be shy about telling someone how you care about them. They may not know you really care if you don't tell them. Please don't let the opportunity pass you by.

Always be on the watch to be a safe place for those you see being mistreated or abused. Proudly wear your safety pin and If you need it, here is the Domestic Violence Hot Line: 1-800-799-7233

Wednesday, December 21, 2016

Making the list

We have all heard the Christmas Saying "He's making a list and checking it twice, gonna find out who's naughty or nice".

Right this minute, there are presents for members of our Memphis family under our tree. I have started making a mental list of what to pack for our trip this weekend.

I had a precious afternoon today with my friend Denise and she gave us some cute homemade ornaments.  I showed the ornaments to David and they are now hanging on our tree.

In just a couple days, I have to get the laundry caught up, straighten up the house, clean out the car, pack the car and get ready for 30 hours of Parish family fun.

Last year, I fully admit I was a nervous wreck about going to Memphis for Christmas. This year we get to spend time with Laura's family and make tons of memories.

I am planning on taking lots of pictures and crossing my fingers that my dear David cooperates (he doesn't care to have his photo taken).

In this season of love and caring and forgiveness, remember that our Lord does not keep a record of wrongs but will forgive us and hold us in his arms. There is no place we can go, that we cannot return from and Our Father will welcome us back into his fold.

However you choose to spend the next few days, I wish you safety, peace and love for those you are with. Cherish the parents/grandparents because we are not guaranteed tomorrow with any of them.

Be watchful of your surroundings, and if you need it, the number for the Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-7233.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Saturday, December 17, 2016

Countdown to Christmas

This time next week I will be at St. Elisabeth's Episcopal Church for Christmas Eve Service with David, his sister, her husband, daughter and possibly others in Laura's family. I am looking forward to this so much. 

I went to go get my grandson then we hit Dunkin for Donuts and coffee/milk. It has become something I like to do with him. I really miss the days when I saw him several days at week at mom's house.

Then we went to Wal-Mart for some shopping. Yes, It was crazy and crowded at Walmart the week before Christmas but it wasn't too insane. 

I stopped to get a bite to eat and then hit the grocery store and came home, unpacked the car and wrapped some presents. 

Meanwhile my sweetheart was working hard at Beaman and sold 3 vehicles today. He never ceases to amaze me in what he can accomplish. 

Tonight we are under a Tornado watch here in Middle Tennessee. The wind has been blowing non-stop for hours now and I just hope no one suffers any property damage in the storm.

I am still searching for a job. I can do data entry, answer phones (but NO call centers, please!) and most office tasks needed to run an office for any industry. If you hear of any jobs local, please let me know. I really don't want to work in Nashville again. 

Say a prayer for those you have with you healthy and who got a good report. I have two friends right now going through chemo for different types of cancer. 

Sunday, December 11, 2016

Letting Go and Being Loved Unconditionally

My emotions have been all over the place of late.
If I have offended you, I am sorry. I was not trying to, but I am sincerely sorry.

Coming to terms with an illness, allowing another person to be there for you and dropping that last portion of wall you had up (but forgot was there) is a lot to process and work through.

Yesterday I had a talk with a friend and we definitely didn't see eye to eye, but I love her anyway and hope we can mend the fence and move forward.

I had an epiphany last night.

I have done nothing but worry, stress, get sad, fake being glad and keep busy since the 11th of November. I must have looked like a mule with blinders on not to see what blessings I have been surrounded with all along.

Unconditional love is not something I grew up around. It was a foreign subject to me. I heard about it in a few sermons about how God loves us no matter what. In my brain, it just didn't make sense.

Because all the adults and people in authority in my life (Prior to March of 2015) wanted something from me or me to behave/speak in a certain way to get their love, affection and attention.

It was just a concept in church to me because I certainly never had it in my real life.

I knew I loved my children/grandchildren with every fiber of my being. No matter what my son/daughter have going on, I made sure every week they knew I was there for them, thinking about them, supporting them in words, sending packages and money when I was able. But I never turned my back on my children. When they suffer a loss, or have something great happen, I stand with them no matter what.

In this respect, I knew what it was to  love unconditionally. I also know that I kept my wedding vows in my past even though my exes didn't think it was required. One even laughed in my face when I said the vows were supposed to mean something.

With my illness, I am not always 'good' to be around. But I do my best to keep my commitments. The past 10 days, I have had anxiety attacks and second thoughts and bailed on several things. I apologized and went on. I figure no one really cares if I show up or not (yep, there is the depression talking!)

Here is where I get a bit mushy and may annoy some of you.... (stop reading if you wish, you were warned).

I realized last night after David went to sleep as I walked through the house just how blessed I am.

At 46 years of age, I am in a great relationship that works.

We are mindful of each other, we take care of each other and we tell each other everything.

I broke down in tears in my living room last night in front of the Christmas Tree and said Thank You Father.

This is David and I's second Christmas together and we just are so happy to be together, to share our hopes, dreams, meals, and even a burnt Chocolate Pie now and then.

I realized it is high time that I embrace this love I have been showered with and just flat out enjoy this time. My poor brain is so used to worrying that I will have to reprogram it.

Love the ones with you, Love the ones that support you and Love the ones that make you check yourself now and then.

Let go of the people that hurt you, abuse you, belittle you, and take advantage of you. No one should withhold conversations and information just because you go to different churches. No one has the right to put you down and you have EVERY right to eliminate them from your life.

I don't usually advocate running away but you need distance between those that hurt you, bring up the past and are always nasty/hateful with you. They are toxic and of no good use to you. Even Jesus told the disciples there comes a point where you shake the dust off your feet and move on.

Wednesday, December 7, 2016

Being mindful

I had a very rough day mentally yesterday.

I had bailed on a friend the day before and spent three days straight not leaving the house.

Yesterday, I cancelled a dental appointment and only left the house to pick up dinner. I hate that I was in a mopey mood most of the day.

I have so much to be thankful for and sometimes I lose sight of that.

This morning I hugged David before he left for work, took out the trash, took the trash can to the street and relaxed with a cup of coffee.

I have clothes to wear, food to eat, a roof over my head and friends and family all over the place. This simple realization brought me to tears in those quiet moments.

My prayer today is that I never lose my sense of gratitude and love.

Physically,  I cannot lift or do anything very strenuous, but I can pray, hold a fundraiser,  call a friend, send out cards and cheer up others.

Be a blessing!! Be mindful, for you are blessed as well.

Saturday, December 3, 2016

Fear, Anxiety and constant pain

You get invited to a holiday event and think, yes, I will go.

But as the days grow near, you start looking for reasons not to go.

You may even get physically ill and vomit at the thought of going to this event even though you have met a couple attending...then the day before,  you give up and decide not to go because of some reason in your mind.

Then after the event, you see the photos and wish you had gone anyway....

That is me, every day, every invite, every party. I have to force myself to go 90% of the time.

It's not personal, it is just the way I am.