Friday, April 22, 2016

Parenting Matters

Parenting matters -

1) Don't compare your children to each other.

2) Don't put one down to lift the other up

3) Do your best not to play favorites even if one child is more like you than another.

4) Listen to them.. it matters to them, it should matter to you!

5) Encourage them to have friends and experiences different from their home life and your life too! This is learning!


6) And even when they mess up and you can no longer help them, always love them and make SURE they know you are ALWAYS there without judgement


7) Don't withhold love and attention when they mess up, Show them unconditional love. 

If you are in danger, please get help. 
Share this number with others - 1-800-799-7233

Thursday, April 21, 2016

Water

Water washes away the dirt and debris from our bodies, our cars and even the pollen that gives us all so many sniffles in the spring. There are even sound machines you can buy that have recorded sounds of the ocean or a babbling brook to go to sleep by.

As a child, I loved getting to go play in the creek and getting my feet wet.

When I was 8, I fell off a raft and nearly drowned and it scared me for a very long time. I still til this day do not know how to swim and get a bit fearful around water that is very deep.

Both my children are like their father and might as well be fish when it comes to water because they both took to swimming very easy and for that I am so thankful!

Kourtney was even able to go to a full week of Aquanauts camp at Camp Sycamore Hills (GS-Middle TN) when she was in school and swim several times a day.

Then I go and fall for a man who loves to fish and hunt and do all things outdoors.  And for the most part, I match him effort for effort. We went to the creek a couple of times last summer/fall and are leaving for Florida in a few days.

I am So Excited to be going to Florida and there really isn't much of an agenda for us. We are taking fishing gear and whatever we catch, we will have for dinner that night.  We are looking forward to a trip to truly relax and just be together for a few days away from work.

We might do some sight seeing, probably will walk on the beach and just praying we don't get sunburned on this trip.

So please take some time to just go sit by the water and enjoy nature. Just sit there without your cell phones, without your laptop and talk to the people you are with. That is true social networking. :)

Remember to keep 1-800-799-7233 on hand in case you or a friend need help.



Friday, April 15, 2016

Loss and Letting Go

Today I caught myself contemplating and thinking about people that used to be in my daily life.

I may have seen them every day, talked to them every day or emailed them everyday, but I heard from them constantly.

Some people moved away, took other jobs and for whatever reason, we just don't talk anymore.

Some folks I had disagreements with and the relationship fell apart over time.

Some people took different paths than I did and for many, many reasons we just don't travel the same path any longer.

I trust that God has a plan for me that may or may not include these ladies I am referring to and honestly, some of them I don't even know how to get in contact with anymore.

When they cross my mind, I hope they are okay and sometimes I even catch myself wondering how their adult children are. I won't chase them down, because I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason.

I do pray for them and their families hoping they are okay and even if we had a disagreement years ago or just last month, I would be civil with them should they contact me.

After the lives I have lived, I rarely chase people to be /stay in my life any longer. It's just not worth my time, effort and worry. I have enough on my plate to take care of than to worry about those that left in the middle of the journey.

And if some of these people happen to come across this blog, I truly hope you and your family are doing well and you are happy.

My prayer is that everyone has peace at night when they rest their head so they can restore themselves to face another day, another battle and perhaps another treatment.

Wednesday, April 13, 2016

Keep it Between the Lines

There is an old Alan Jackson song entitled "Keep it Between the Lines".

I thought of it this morning on my commute to Nashville.

If you know me, you know that I commute approximately one hour each way into work Monday - Friday for my day job. That calculates to 10-15 hours on the road during the week.

When you don't feel good or have tons on your mind .. the drive is even worse to deal with.

On my daily drive to and from Nashville each day I go through at least 2 interchanges where the lanes split and you have to get to one side or the other so that you are merging into the correct interstate for the direction you are going. It gets crazy at times when folks wait until the last minute to figure out which side they need to be on. This is when other people's actions affect and slow down the traffic for all of us.

I also realized that living your life is a lot like driving every day. If you stay in your lane, mind your business, and stay focused, you really don't have time to be looking around at other drivers and seeing what they are doing in their vehicles.

Focus on your issues, circumstances, pray for what you and your family needs and get on with your day. You will never get where you are truly going if you occupy your mind/time with what others are doing.

There is nothing wrong with asking a friend what is going on if they start acting out of character or something concerns you. But go straight to them, don't ask about them behind their back.  That causes trust issues and suspicion.


At the end of this life, all we will be accountable for is our life and what we did, how we treated others and what we taught others (if you are a teacher or preacher). There is no award for all the people you criticized, gossiped about or made fun of along the way.

Be kind and take care of others if you can.
Put this number in your phone or memo app so you have it if you need to pass it on to someone in danger - 1-800-799-7233 (domestic violence hotline).

Friday, April 8, 2016

Life and growth

When we are very small, we boast about our age and even adding fractions to the year to make us appear bigger. (2 1/2, 4 1/2, etc.)

As we get older, we don't really mind if there aren't any candles on the cake because we are just happy to still be living life and enjoying our friends, family and loved ones.

Last Saturday my 4 year old grandson was a bit upset there were no candles on Nana's Cake. But the lady at the restaurant just happened to have those numeral candles so we were able to save the day and have candles on the cake for Nikolai and the other grand children to blow out for Nana.

We had a room full that day celebrating my mom's birthday. The only grandchild and great-grandchildren missing were Brian and his children Kaden, Abby and Kyson. But since they are out in Utah, it was understandable.  They are never far from our thoughts and prayers because we miss them so much.

Looking around the room that day, I saw our family and all our similarities and our differences. One niece plays soccer, one nephew is in a shooting club, another niece has just finished a week at horse camp and I love hearing about what all they do at their events.

This fall when school starts, 2 of my grandsons will start Kindergarten and one of my nephews will start middle school. Time is marching on as we all age and grow along the way.

My viewpoints and dreams for the future when I was 15 are very different from the opinions and attitudes and lifestyle I have at the age of 45. Life and experiences will change you.

Surviving and moving on is the key. 
Communication with your partner is the biggest and best thing you can do.

You have to take a deep breath and bring up the stuff that bugs you so you can hash it out and get it out of your system. You might be nervous, you might be pacing the floor and you might have to write it down to get the message across. But if you can't talk to the one you are spending your life with, there are problems.

I have lived that way in the past both when living with an abusive spouse and when living with family. There seemed to always be subjects that had to be avoided at all costs so as to avoid an argument.

I cherish each of my readers and hope my story of my life, my failures and my triumphs and even the steps toward healing have helped you in some way.

If you are in danger, please find a way out. Ask for assistance at 1-800-799-7233. Take care of yourself so you can lift up others. Be Kind to all.

Wednesday, April 6, 2016

Til Death do us part...

Back in February my grandmother passed away. She was 94 years old and had said she was ready to go. My grandfather passed in 1994, so she had been a widow for 22 years.

Last week my son-in-law's grandmother passed away. She had been in and out of the hospital and local nursing home for the past year with many illnesses including pneumonia and for rehab at different times. She was 75 and today she was laid to rest. I spoke briefly with her husband today and the first thing he said was she is in a better place and we have the hope of heaven to see her again some day.  They had been married 52 years.


During the service at the Veteran's Cemetery Chapel, I sat with my daughter and held my 6 month old grandson Xander.

My prayers are with the Greene Family as they go forward and face the future without their mother, sister, and memaw.
 
Despite the hand I have been dealt in my life, I still believe marriage should be a lifelong commitment. It just takes lots of prayer, 2 people who are committed and lots of work to make it happen.

Keep those you love close to you and be sure they know how you feel.


Monday, April 4, 2016

Responsibilities

We all have responsibilities.

They range from raising our children, our work, cleaning chores at home, cooking meals and dealing with co-workers and other relationships. We all have bills that must be paid or there are consequences.

We all have choices to make about our daily lives and routines.

Sometimes, you are better off stepping back at looking at something from a business perspective and then you will see what is really going on.

If you go a long time without paying your cable bill, the company cuts you off until you catch up the payments and this can also affect your credit rating.

If you don't pay your rent, you won't have a place to live very long.

If you lie to a friend often enough, the relationship gets damaged and is not as strong as it used to be.

Face it - Life is hard for all of us. We all have problems and issues we deal with monthly and sometimes daily.

A close friend of mine gave me a great suggestion for when one thing is filling your mind and you can't get past it.  He suggested boxing up the problem in your mind and putting it on a shelf. So I did. It took a bit of mental practice, but I was able to shelve the situation so I could get up and go to work and function like I was supposed to. This didn't mean I didn't care about the situation, I was just getting through the day until I had time to think on the problem when I got home.

If I had allowed that situation to consume me, I would have been practically mentally paralyzed for a few months until that situation was resolved. This way I was able to function and get through the days and weeks during that time in my life.

Some days, I still have to go to the mirror and tell myself it is all going to work out and that I can do what I have to do. I also tell myself that crawling under the blanket and hiding doesn't get anything accomplished.



So, take a deep breath, shelve what needs putting away for the time being, and tackle your day, your laundry or your to-do list.

If you are in danger, please call 1-800-799-7233 and get assistance.

Friday, April 1, 2016

Fear

We all face fear and deal with it in our own way.

For a while after I was laid off in 2008, I was afraid to leave the house and it was a huge thing if I got out of the house and went any farther than the little coffee shop in White Bluff.

Then I nearly destroyed my business because I was afraid not to be home when my spouse was at home. He wanted me home when he was home and I lived (if you can call that living) with a fear that if I wasn't at home that he would not come home from work. That did not stop the affairs, the manipulation or any of those things. It took me a long time to realize that his manipulation of me was a form of abuse.

It got to the point that I would be invited out by friends and would refuse to go because I was afraid of going places or doing things without my spouse with me. This was a horrible way to live. He certainly did what he wanted and often disappeared for days at a time.

I have a cough due to my asthma/copd that sometimes I just cannot get under control. I am not contagious but I know many people think that a cough means sickness and I get those looks at the grocery store when I have a spell.

Those tapes in my mind from the years 2008-2011 still play in my head and I have to remind myself daily that I am not with that person any longer and that no one controls me like he did.

I still have anxiety attacks before events. A few months ago, I had a speaking engagement and I was a basket case for the days leading up to it. But it went well and my message was well received. Sharing my story is therapy for me because each time I tell the story, I get stronger and stronger because I am still here!

I get anxiety attacks before any family get together. I know this doesn't make any sense, but for me, family events are very hard for me to deal with. I tell myself I have to show up and usually calm myself down after I get there and focus on one of the nieces or nephews or my grandsons.

I still get up every morning and drive to my day job and that commute is not easy on my nerves.

Living with daily fears is not easy but I will not let my past or current fears defeat me.
I am loved and cherished and have a purpose, otherwise I would not still be here.

You have a purpose, pray and ask God to show you what it is.
If you are in danger, get help! Call 1-800-799-7233