Friday, January 29, 2016

Approval

Are you a slave to approval?
Do you constantly worry and stress that someone in your life (work or personal relationships) won't approve of what you do or how you spend your time and/or money?

I was in that trap as a teenager with my parents.

Then I was in that trap with my first husband.

Then I was in that trap as a single mother trying to raise her children the best she could but had many naysayers in my life and very few true supporters of what I was working towards.

I was in this trap with a supervisor at a past job and eventually with the support of others took a stand and filed a complaint of harassment against her. You could say I put on paper things others saw happening but no one had ever truly put it in writing to an authority figure that would /could reprimand this director. I was immediately removed from being her subordinate and though I no longer directly reported to her, I did continue to do some work for her but she had to put it all in writing and go through my new supervisor to schedule my work for her. Speaking up for myself had actually worked. I was amazed and so thankful.

Then I remarried.. and at first it seemed as though he was supportive no matter what, but then it became very apparent after his multiple affairs, money issues, illness and job loss, he always seemed to have a reason to be elsewhere and nothing I did could change him. So glad I woke up from that nightmare!

Well, I can honestly say that today, I do what I can but I do not live to please others and I don't need their approval to survive.

If you spend all your time pleasing others, how on earth will you please yourself?

I have found that when I focus on my business and things that concern me, my business, my finances, I just don't have the time or energy to worry about pleasing others.

Do the right thing, do the healthy thing, set some goals and go for it. The only person you have to answer to is God. No one on this earth has the right to judge you or boss you around unless you give that permission to them. ( I am not saying to be insubordinate and risk your job in any way, but stand up for yourself as kindly as possible.)

Romans 8:31 (KJV)
What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us?


Tuesday, January 26, 2016

Viewpoint

I grew up in the late 70's and graduated High School in 1988. I have lived in Middle TN most of my 45 years on this Earth.

As I see photos of friends children who are in school or home-schooled and all the many differences that folks fight over and put each other down over, I sit back and just shake my head.

I have one sister that is a school teacher and another sister who home-schools her children. All 3 of us were raised and attended public schools. All 3 of us attended State Universities here in Tennessee and we were brought up nearly the same way depending on our birth order.

My middle sister and I are only 3 1/2 years apart and were dressed alike and have many of the same memories and teachers and even friends because we went through exactly the same schools.

My youngest sister is 10 years and a week younger than I. We graduated from different places and don't have many friends or memories in common from our childhood. We all have very different personalities and perspectives but we all definitely have some similar characteristics.

I am the only one of the three of us with 2 divorces who raised her children as a single mom. I have no regrets, but I do have a very different view of life than those who have never been divorced, abused, cheated on or abandoned. 

Parenting takes on many faces and in most cases the differences are not harmful to the child. However, be cautious about what you are teaching your child. Are you teaching them to be entitled or enlightened?

Here are two examples that seem to be so foreign to most people I read about on facebook these days:

1)  I rode the bus 98% of my 12 years in school. The only time I didn't is when I got sick at school and had to be really sick for mom/dad to pick me up or if I had a doctor/dentist appointment.

2) I also ate in the school cafeteria 95% of my 12 years in school. It was normal for me and I pretty much raised my kids the same way.

Even though the three of us have very different outlooks, we do have the same background in most cases.

I encourage everyone to see past their differences and learn instead of fighting about them.

Peace at Home

Many folks in Tennessee and other places are dealing with cabin fever because their roads are impassable and they are stuck inside.

Our road was icy until about noon yesterday and since I personally am petrified to drive on the ice, I kept myself at home.

This got me to thinking about times in the past when I was cooped up without a way to get out in the weather. Not that we needed anything, just to get out and get fresh air.  When you have a peaceful home life, you don't seek a way to get away. You actually can enjoy just being home with your loved ones.

If all you do is fuss and argue and disagree with those at your home, I am sure you have been miserable. I have been there too.

If we make a daily effort to be kind to those we live with and keep the peace as much as possible, then things will be so much better.  I have been known to 'hide' in my room to avoid contact with those who put me down in past living situations. Thankfully I no longer have to hide from anyone I live with and I can be myself.

Do we agree on everything? No, we don't, but thankfully there is more than one television in the house and I have my laptop and a room I can retreat to, if I need some space.

I caught myself going out to look at the snowy nights and days all weekend long and all I saw was God's majesty and beauty. Yes, it was a bit of an inconvenience to not be able to go out but we had food, electricity and all the basics we truly needed.

There is beauty and peace in being able to have the place to yourself and there is a peace in having a quiet home life as well. Just a place to relax is a gift in itself.   Take a few minutes and count those blessings that you don't often see or realize.


Sunday, January 17, 2016

Check your attitude

Things happen, you overspend, you run that red light or you are late to work, sometimes you might even forget to pack your little boy's lunch.  You may feel horrible as a person, employee, or parent, but God doesn't see you that way. He knows you are human and as a dear friend told me this week, accidents happen and we have to stop being so hard on ourselves.

Whatever you are faced with, it will all work out. All of these things I listed above are the little things and though they are aggravating and could ruin our day or our attitude, just take a deep breath and let it go. You will be better off in the long run and have a much better day if you don't focus on that little negative all day long.

There are much bigger things to be concerned with. You could have a child and/or parent dealing with a debilitating illness and treatment and trust me that does wear you down considerably. It is like a big black cloud hovering over your shoulder every day and every minute.

Another friend suggested I take that worry and put it on the shelf so that I can function through out the day and I had never really looked at things that way. I used to just sweep them under the rug and trip over them day after day and hour after hour.

Everyone has things that worry them and I will be the first to tell you there is no shame in seeking therapy or choosing medication either. But please keep all things in balance and get up and do something every day. Activity (even a little bit) will make all the difference.  For me this year, I am determined to get up and away from my desk at least 20-30 minutes a day at work to walk around the building and so far it is helping my perspective and my attitude quite nicely.

If you are in danger, seek assistance through the Hotline 1-800-799-7233 or the local shelter. There are programs in place to help you.

Monday, January 11, 2016

Seek Balance

This time of year, many people are starting work on new goals, or re-committed to past goals so they can achieve them this time around.

I have chosen balance and peace this year.

I will not be pushed for someone else to reach a goal. I may love and adore that person and completely respect them, but when they push me in directions I do not want to be pushed, I will speak up and bow out of their way.

After my divorce, I dove headfirst into goals. I lost friends, I lost many things and in the midst of it all I was nudged to start telling my story here in this blog. Sharing my life-story through this blog has made me cry, made me open up and helped me to see why I survived it all. I am just a little gal from Tennessee that has been through the ringer of life who refused to give up and fails daily. I keep praying and working through my mess knowing my God loves me and is there for me every night and day.

13 years with PartyLite has taught me so much. I have learned what I will do and what I will not do. I have learned hard lessons of ethics, business and people's true character when things are not going your way.  I love the product and I will be happy to share it with you, help you earn free products or even start your own business. PartyLite is my second income stream and a way to finance the extra stuff and have a fun job outside of my commitment to my day job.

I am in a healthy, supportive relationship that has blessed me in ways I never imagined in my previous married life.

I made a simple list of 8 focus points for every day of 2016 and it goes something like this:

Pray
Love Others
Pay Bills off
Start Saving
Hug my grandchildren
Text my adult children
Share from the heart
Move Everyday

I want to be healthy and financially stable for the future months and years ahead. I see these goals as stair steps to a happy healthy and fulfilled future.

I encourage you to work toward goals but be sure to do everything in balance and not hurt yourself in the process. If you are in danger, ask for help, and save this number in your phone 1-800-799-7233. You may need it or may come across someone else who needs it. Remember to love always!

Wednesday, January 6, 2016

Reactions

Do you have someone in your life that you have to be on your best behavior around?

I have had some things happen recently that opened my eyes to how I have been treated over my lifetime.

Here are a few examples..

Have to get up the courage to tell your spouse that you bounced a check.. and fearful that he will yell and scream and hit you (again)

You drop something and it breaks and instead of them asking if you are okay, they yell at you for what you did and tell you how stupid you are and how much you upset them.

A child spills something and the caregiver or parent just screams at the child for 20 minutes while cleaning it up instead of calming the child and making the best of it.

You accidentally leave your purse/wallet at home or work and realize after your hour long commute and get yelled at for being stupid and irresponsible.

You put a little surprise in your boyfriend's car and don't shut the door hard enough and it drains his battery and he is then stranded and unable to run errands until you get home from work.  But this time, he says it is no big deal and you laugh about it... instead of people in your past who would have screamed at you, put you down, slapped you and most likely demanded you get home right away to fix the problem.

Which way would you respond and which scenarios have played out in your life and were laughed off instead of causing verbal and physical abuse to occur?

It is amazing to me what goes on and just how people treat others in their life. I pray everyone has a calm relationship and not one full of strife.

I pray that you have the courage to speak to your spouse or significant other and work things out so you have a peaceful home and peaceful conversations.  Arguing and yelling is not healthy at all.

If you are in danger, get out and seek assistance please! 1-800-799-7233 is the domestice violence hotline. They are there to HELP YOU.

Tuesday, January 5, 2016

Love and Prayer

We all have people in our lives that are not doing things the way we would do them.
We all know people who are not raising their children the way we would or did raise ours.

Fact Is, You cannot change them by fussing at them, ignoring them or putting them down. 

What can you do?
Ask God to help you show them love and pray for them.  When you purposely pray for someone (even if you don't know what they need, God Knows!), you are asking God to benefit them, bless them, soften their heart and show them love through other people.

I remember a very rough time in my life that I wanted to quit my job, and get in the car and drive away because I was drowning in depression, my boss and I were constantly fighting, my spouse and I were not getting along and I wasn't sure what to do with my teenagers.  I was often seen crying through my daily tasks at work and pushed away a lot of would-be friends in those days because I just didn't want anyone to know how hopeless and sad I was.

I was in the copy room prepping a training package for my supervisor at THDA and a co worker came in with a cartoon that had a frog in the mouth of a bird. The frog was choking the bird and the caption was Never Ever Give Up.  Ms. Debbie had no idea that day how sad I was or what was going on inside my head. But her sharing that cartoon with me made me laugh and made me think.

Please remember that everyone is going through something and everyone could use a smile, a kind word and a prayer. 

And, if you want to help them or encourage them, pray before you speak and/or text them so that God can give you the words that will work best for the situation. 

Proverbs 3:5:
Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.


Saturday, January 2, 2016

Happy New Years!

Welcome to 2016!

Many people will start exercising, go back to school or start a new business this month in an effort to create change in their lives and lifestyle.

While I personally don't make resolutions, I do set goals and use a vision board for my business and personal goals.

I encourage you to write down your goals and be consistent in working on your changes for the new year.  While we don't need a new year, new month or new anything to make a change, you just need a willingness to make it happen and stick with it until it becomes your normal.

Statistics show that if you do something for 21 days straight it becomes a habit that you do automatically without very much effort.

What can you do to change your situation?