Friday, December 11, 2015

Wisdom

There is wisdom in knowing when to let things go, people go and relationships go.

Someone I know is getting over a past relationship and they have mentioned a few times in the past few weeks that they feel sorry for their ex. Their comment reminded me of something a friend told me back in 1991. 

I was sitting at the dining room table in my parent's home in Old Hickory and a friend of the family had come to visit to help me/us sort through some things we were facing as I dealt with becoming a single mom and divorcing my first husband.

Mrs. D had asked me a few questions and I told her I felt sorry for him because of .... (whatever, I don't even recall what after all these years). But I will never forget her grasping my hand and saying to me, "No, Stop right there. You shouldn't feel sorry for him for any reason."  I was shocked. Because in my 21 year old mind, the divorce/separation was my fault, his cheating and abuse of me/my body was my fault and yet I felt sorry for him in a foreign country having to go on with life without me or the children.

Mrs. D would explain to me that it was time for me to mentally separate me/the children from him and start working on take care of what we needed to start over here in Nashville, TN.

It took me another year to file for divorce and move forward with my life and for a while longer, I did feel sorry for him because every time he would call, he would ask about me, how I was doing, complain about his living situation, his finances and blame me for all his troubles.  At one time he even threatened to kill himself in a letter to get my attention. You know, in all those times/calls he rarely asked to talk to the children or how they were even doing. Again, it took me years to see all of this in hindsight.

Please, when you move on and get on with your life, don't waste your time, breath or attention on those in your past. Don't talk about them, don't look them up on facebook, social media or text them at the holidays to see if they answer you. Let it all go!

Now, if you are one of the lucky ones who did not have an abusive, ugly end to your marriage and have been able to stay civil and all to your ex-spouse, then you are blessed in so many ways.

Choose wisdom and move forward with purpose.
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