Saturday, November 21, 2015

Everyone has a past

I have been married and divorced twice now, I have 2 ex father in laws, 2 ex mother in laws and 2 ex-husbands.

After 5 years of not touching Christmas decorations I recently opened the storage containers to see what I had in which box. And I found my ex's Christmas stocking. I knew immediately that I had to take myself out of the equation and contact my ex so that I could get this precious memory to him.

Now some of you know that when I cut off contact, it is for good. I am not wishy-washy about it and since I don't have any children with my second husband there is really no reason to contact him for anything at all. So for three days I contemplated how and if I should reach out to him. 

I finally took the leap and texted him to let him know I had the stocking and asked if he would like it to be returned to him.  The text messages were short and to the point. He even asked about my dad. After all these years it was nice to have a discussion that did not end in someone hanging up or another fight starting.

In this day and age, most people in their 40's and up have probably been in several relationships before they laid eyes on you.  You cannot keep them from contacting these people. I know many blended families these days and you just have to find a way to get along.

I mean really, if my first husband was to text me tonight asking about the kids or grandkids, I would be shocked to hear from him, but I would send him a couple of pictures and that would be the extent of the contact.

You have to get past your past and not dwell on it if you are ever going to recover and be well enough for a truly healthy relationship. You are worth loving yourself and there is someone out there who God has for  you that will love you for who you are no matter what scars, issues or problems you may have.

I am in a new relationship myself and if I had issues with him talking to his children or anything regarding that part of his life, we would have issues and probably would not still be together.

So next week while many of you will be out shopping black friday sales, I will be here in my new home putting up a Christmas tree that has not be up in 4 years. I am looking forward to making new memories for my new life in 2015.

Be kind and considerate (especially this time of year) with those in your family that must deal with ex-spouses and schedules. All of us get stressed about the holidays and handle it very differently. Put love first and you will find a way to cope.