Monday, November 30, 2015

Keep Believing

I urge you to keep believing and working toward things in your life improving.  Everyone has something in their life they would like to change or improve.

For many, many years I wanted to go from November 20th straight to January 1st to avoid both Thanksgiving and Christmas for many, many reasons. This year, I am enjoying every day as it arrives and thankful for it.

What changed?
Well I have healed up from most of my past hurtful relationships and I have learned to be thankful and let the mess I cannot change go.  Things still bother me and there are people I still choose to block and/or avoid to keep my sanity. Our family has gotten closer this year due to many reasons but most of all we rallied around my dad as he went through 2 surgeries to remove tumors.

So for the first time that I know of the Walker family descended upon a local buffet restaurant for our family Thanksgiving get together. All of us were there except for my son Brian and his family. It was a great day. Then later that day David and I went to the movies and started a little tradition of our own.

The day after Thanksgiving I was doing 2 things, I was promoting the online sale on my website (www.partylite.biz/nevergiveup) and went to storage to retrieve the Christmas tree and ornaments. I didn't buy this tree, but it was the tree we had when I lived in GA. When my 2nd husband and I split, he gave me all the xmas stuff because he said he didn't need it or want it. He knew I was going to be close to my daughter and might want it for the grandchildren.  However, this was the first year I had looked for any of the xmas decor with intent to decorate a home.

I put up the tree and reminisced as I found paper ornaments made by my children back in the 90's with their school pictures and even some my daughter made with craft foam and pictures of our pets and memories from family trips.

I threw away some ornaments and I tossed some that were damaged or unusable. The extra stockings with no names I have given away so that someone can get some use out of them.

Another milestone we have reached at home is that we are making it our own and moving in our furniture where we want it and day by day, it is becoming our place for our future. It is a slow-moving process at times, but I am so happy to see the dreams coming true as days go by.

So please, don't despair and don't give up. Keep Going, do what you can, Smile as much as you can and love those around you. Keep Believing my friends!

Be sure and pass my blog on to those you feel it would help and if you are in danger, seek help.
Call the domestic violence hotline at 1-800-799-7233 to get more information.

Tuesday, November 24, 2015

Family Time

Many of us are going to be seeing family this weekend for Thanksgiving.

First thing I want to suggest, Is that everyone stay thankful. Many families are fractured and in different cities over the holidays due to many reasons (Military Service, Jobs, Geography and Finances are just a few that come to mind).

There is no right or wrong way to celebrate or ignore this holiday. Some people are having a friends gathering, or going out to lunch together or going to the movies and some celebrate by shopping. All are fine to do.

The thing I have learned the most in my life time is to not expect a picture perfect holiday scene.


The biggest and best suggestions for the holidays is to not be nosy. Take things at face value and do not assume you have the right to ask personal questions.   I personally do my best to avoid the person who is/was talking my ear off about stuff I truly didn't care to hear and I certainly didn't want to give them information that I knew they would spread elsewhere.

Some will attend events alone, some will leave early or arrive late. Many families have 2 or 3 events to get to on Thanksgiving and believe me they are just as stressed out as the ones who don't have anywhere to go.  The etiquette coach on the local radio station stressed arriving on time today but sometimes you just can't get everyone at a certain time.

Leave your stress at the door (or in your vehicle) and just enjoy the family you do have around you.
Those who truly love you will understand when you have had enough and need to go for a walk and get out and away from the noise.

If you are in danger, seek help.
Call 1-800-799-7233 for the domestic violence help line.

Saturday, November 21, 2015

Everyone has a past


I have been married and divorced twice now, I have 2 ex father in laws, 2 ex mother in laws and 2 ex-husbands.


After 5 years of not touching Christmas decorations I recently opened the storage containers to see what I had in which box. And I found my ex's Christmas stocking. I knew immediately that I had to take myself out of the equation and contact my ex so that I could get this precious memory to him.

Now some of you know that when I cut off contact, it is for good. I am not wishy-washy about it and since I don't have any children with my second husband there is really no reason to contact him for anything at all. So for three days I contemplated how and if I should reach out to him. 

I finally took the leap and texted him to let him know I had the stocking and asked if he would like it to be returned to him.  The text messages were short and to the point. He even asked about my dad. After all these years it was nice to have a discussion that did not end in someone hanging up or another fight starting.

In this day and age, most people in their 40's and up have probably been in several relationships before they laid eyes on you.  You cannot keep them from contacting these people. I know many blended families these days and you just have to find a way to get along.

I mean really, if my first husband was to text me tonight asking about the kids or grandkids, I would be shocked to hear from him, but I would send him a couple of pictures and that would be the extent of the contact.

You have to get past your past and not dwell on it if you are ever going to recover and be well enough for a truly healthy relationship. You are worth loving yourself and there is someone out there who God has for  you that will love you for who you are no matter what scars, issues or problems you may have.

I am in a new relationship myself and if I had issues with him talking to his children or anything regarding that part of his life, we would have issues and probably would not still be together.

So next week while many of you will be out shopping black friday sales, I will be here in my new home putting up a Christmas tree that has not be up in 4 years. I am looking forward to making new memories for my new life in 2015.

Be kind and considerate (especially this time of year) with those in your family that must deal with ex-spouses and schedules. All of us get stressed about the holidays and handle it very differently. Put love first and you will find a way to cope.

Friday, November 20, 2015

North vs. South

As I sit here at the office on the Friday before Thanksgiving, I hear many conversations.

I hear the gal up front telling her boss about how many Southern foods she dislikes (she used to live in PA). 

I hear another co-worker talking about her birthday celebration and how much she likes icing but not the cake underneath it.

Everyone has likes and dislikes but it really amazes me how differently people eat and formulate their traditions (opinions) based on food or where they are from.

I was born here in Nashville, TN and I consider myself a decent Southerner (if there is such a thing).

This brings to mind all of our differences and in this day and age everyone seems to scream about their differences and wanting rights based on them instead of reaching out and seeking common ground to make the world a better place.

There really is no right or wrong food for the table any day of the week. The coolest thing you can do is try a new food and explore your horizons. 

I personally love to try new foods from all over the world because that is the only true way to know what I like and/or dislike.

So next week (or whenever you do your Thanksgiving meal), be sure and try new things or Aunt Lois' new recipe just to make her smile.

Don't start any family arguments over the food, placement, table arrangement or the restaurant you visit. Stop and be utterly thankful for the people you have in your life.

Watching my dad go through 2 cancer surgeries since September certainly puts a different spin on Thanksgiving this year. We are just going to be happy to be together no matter where it is.

If you are in danger call for assistance. Immediate need, Call 911!
Need other information call the Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-7233.

Thursday, November 19, 2015

Share what you have


Hold your loved ones close, make sure they know how you feel about them.

You can prepare a meal for them, mow their yard, rake their leaves and even run errands for them (grocery pick up, dog walking, etc.)

Matthew 6:3 (KJV) But when thou doest alms, let not thy left hand know what thy right hand doeth:

This means when you do good works, do not boast about them, or announce them to others. Just do them and let that be your own reward. The scripture also teaches us that the things we do in secret shall be rewarded in public.

Good ideas for anytime of the year:
1) Give what you have (money, time, talent, furnishings, etc.)
2) Be Kind to everyone (even the person who pulls out in front of you in traffic)
3) Show up every day and do your best at the workplace (no matter what your co-workers may appear to do or not do)
4) Don't judge others (you don't know what they are facing at home)
5) Serve where and when you are able (if you don't know what is needed, ask!)

Everyone has something they can do !

If you are in immediate danger call 911
Seek assistance with your situation by calling the hotline (use a neighbor's phone if you have to) 1-800-799-7233

Friday, November 13, 2015

Desperation

There are so many in this world today who are desperate for many things.

Some are desperate for a relationship, for money, for popularity and the list goes on and on.

When life throws us curve balls we have to be ready to hit them as far as we can and not allow them to destroy or distract our focus.

I have a chronic illness and sometimes it really gets me down and takes me out of commission for a day or two or sometimes a week.  Yesterday was one of those days. I felt horrible and didn't leave the couch for the majority of the day. I took my meds, did what the doctor said and today I feel better and can function enough to be at my day job.

I do my best to fight through the yucky days and not let it get me down, but with bills piling up, surgeries ahead for loved ones and many uncertain things in the future, I really struggled with my attitude yesterday.

I will not live life in desperation mode, so I chose to focus on the good things and the blessings I do have in my life. 

It was hard to get past feeling nasty and even this morning I get another message reminding me of money owed to people. I almost broke down in tears but tears and crying would only aggravate my cough and probably bring on a coughing spell I don't need at work.

Please don't let the desperation get you down. We all face it, and we all deal with it in different ways, but the best thing you can do is fight through the feelings and focus on something positive. Perhaps look up a devotional, a favorite scripture or a song that lifts your spirits. 

Sometimes in life we have to take on a second job or start looking for a job that pays more. It won't be easy but you have to get through it all somehow.

Take a deep breath, stop and figure out what you can do and do what you can and let the rest go.

If you are in immediate danger, call 911
For assistance in finding resources for your situation, call 1-800-799-7233. You are not alone!

Tuesday, November 10, 2015

Are You "ALL IN"?

To be "All In" is to give it your all.
The term is used in sports, gambling, business and even relationships.

When things get ugly, do you turn tail and run away or do you take a stand and give it all you have?

When reaching and working for a huge goal in business you may have to work around the clock for days, weeks, months to reach a certain sales or recruiting goal. But once you reach it and realize that you have accomplished this big thing you almost gave up on.. You stop and celebrate because you did accomplish the task.

Some months are easy and nothing out of the ordinary happens, but some months, you are hit with medical diagnoses and bills you never saw coming. You have to keep getting up and doing what you do to cope and get through the rough time.

When money is tight and things all around you seem to be falling apart, you have to find something to hold onto in order to get through the slim times.

Choose to reach for your Bible, a devotional, or a God-Fearing friend to keep you on the right path.  I have heard a few preachers and a movie use the phrase Hit your knees before you phone a friend.  It is better to pray about it before you complain about it.

For years I complained and complained and didn't really do anything to change the way things were. But I know now how much prayer can help for anything. God wants us to come to him for everything. 

So whatever you do, Give it All you have and Be "ALL IN" knowing that when you give a situation, job, interview, even chores your all, God will fill in the gaps as needed. But He is not going to come to the table if you don't invite him.

If you are in danger, seek help or call 911 for immediate situations.
Call the hotline for other help 1-800-799-7233

Monday, November 9, 2015

You Can Say No!

There is so much freedom in saying no.

I used to be a people pleaser (both in my marriages and at my jobs and dealing with other people in my family).

I learned a few years ago how much healthier I would feel and be if I just said no to things. Some  call me a grinch or a party-pooper but I look at it all as a choice. I can go to an event, stay as long as I want to and leave when I want to. There is freedom in that.  All you have to do is set your mind to it and drive yourself to the event. Take control of your life, it is way past time!

You do not have to attend every family get together if they stress you out or you don't have the money or motivation to be there. Don't go broke pleasing others. It is not worth the credit card bills later.

I have not personally put up any Christmas decorations since I left Georgia. And I don't know if I will in the future or not. I have two bins of Christmas stuff in my storage unit and still not sure if they will see the light of 2015 or not. Just depends on my mood.

For the record, I am not depressed. I just don't see the need. My children are grown with homes and children of their own. They will not be visiting me this year. We are not even sure if we will be in Tennessee for Christmas or off on a little trip of our own. Some of my best memories were the years I did my own thing.

Just my thoughts today as I watch my co-workers decorate the office for the Christmas holiday.
Enjoy the days ahead in your way and you will be much happier!

If you are in danger, seek assistance!
Call 911 for immediate situations or call 1-800-799-7233 for the Domestic Violence Hotline.
Be Safe!

Monday, November 2, 2015

Trappings of Tradition

Don't be trapped by the traditions of your family, co-workers or anyone. Making your own way is full of freedom and though a bit scary at times, it is usually worth it all in the end.

My original plans for November 2nd were to be on the road or in Colorado Springs visiting my son and his family. However God's plans were better than mine and I have to trust in him that all things will work out and a trip to Colorado will happen exactly in God's timing.  We realized in September that we didn't have the money to make the trip and though that made us sad, we are trusting God to lead the way and show us what is best. 

The families here in TN and CO are doing well and the new babies are thriving. I am always looking on facebook to see if my daughter or daughter in law have posted new pictures I can see of how the children are doing. 

Technology and even facebook get a bad reputation from those that either don't understand it or don't use the privacy settings. I joined facebook back in 2009 purely from a business standpoint but since then I have found long-lost friends, elementary schoolmates and made friends all over the US and the world thanks to technology and the internet. 

At 45, I am anything but traditional, but I have learned many things over the years and I am determined to keep learning and loving as life goes on. 

I never took my kids to a pumpkin patch and as best as I can tell, they are healthy and pretty well adjusted. I did have portraits taken every fall and bought lots of the school pictures just to keep track and watch them grow up in photos. I did  have them both in scouting organizations and supported their school activities if they were involved. One child was in everything it seemed and the other was happier at home playing video games. If you know my children, you can guess which description is which child.

As we look to November holidays and all the holiday stress, just keep this in mind, it is NOT what is on the table or even who you sit with that matters. What matters is that you are thankful and you have people around you that you truly care about.  If it is a church potluck you are most looking forward to, then great! Go Enjoy it and have a blast. If you are happiest serving at a food pantry on Thanksgiving or working the local Turkey Trot that morning, Go be the best You that You can be.  If you prefer to sleep in, while your significant other goes out hunting that morning, that is great too.

Bottom Line - Just be yourself! That is who GOD created you to be.
Do for others if you can and if you can't help them financially, help them emotionally by listening and checking in on them.

Love each other!!