Monday, May 11, 2015

Messed Up

I have a confession to make:

I am messed up. I have messed up a lot of things and I have gotten many things in my life terribly wrong.

I don't say the right thing at the right time
I avoid those who cause me constant mental/verbal pain
I have run away so many times you might want to call me Jonah

I have also been blessed in ways I never expected or asked for.
I have friends all over the US who would answer a call if I dialed their number.

I have a full time job and a part-time job and sometimes I don't want to do either of them.  But, I buckle down and do the right thing even with tears steaming down my face and my heart full of depression and wonder why God still has me here.

In the big picture, my life is very good and I am overwhelmingly blessed to have what I have.  I know this and I thank God for it every day and several times a day.

I despise holidays. Nearly All of them for many different reasons, but they mostly are emotional reasons that I just don't wish to face.  So when a holiday rolls around, don't expect to see me at the celebration for very long. 

As I have told a new person in my life recently, what you see is what you get and I am pretty messed up in most places. But I am a good person deep down if you care to find her.  I have hope for the future and working every day to do better in all parts of my life. 

My choice for my future is this:
God First
Family Second
Work/Job Third

This seems to be the only formula that truly gets me through all the tests/trials of my life. I hope it serves you well too!