Ever heard the saying, "The Grass is greener on the other side"?
Most of us have. A few years ago I heard a pastor's wife say that if we would water our own lawns and tend to our own business then not only would our 'grass be green' but we wouldn't have time to see what is going on in someone else's yard.
This resonates with me today. All I see in the mirror these days is a single person in her 40's working every day to make ends meet who tries to help others every day.
There are few places where I truly feel part of a family and these places are not at home. I feel full of life and joy when I am with my church family and I am very sad when I leave church services because outside of that group of people I truly only see a single woman.
I feel that I have a purpose when I am leading and teaching my business team but again, when the workshops are over, I feel lost and lonely quite often.
I feel part of a team when I am at my Monday-Friday job. Through teamwork we all get the job done and we have fun while getting the work accomplished. If you have a sad face at the office, then it is your own doing.
I know that I am better off and completely secure in the decisions I have made in the past 2 1/2 years. I do not want to go back or resurrect either of the relationships for any reason.
What I do find myself longing for is a Godly relationship with a Christian Man that God chooses to send to me. I am committed to seeking God in all things (home, work, office, candles, children, grandchildren) and praising God while waiting for what God has in store for my life.
I share all this with you to let you know that yes I am happy and healthier than I have ever been but I still have things in my life I would love to change. I refuse to seek out things or people that would hurt my faith or take me away from my path in God's Kingdom.
The best thing I can do during this time in my journey is to do the things I know I am meant to do, follow the Bible and seek God in all things. I choose to tend to my own business and not look at what others are doing.
If you are in danger, please call 911 or call the domestic violence hotline for ideas/suggestions to get assistance at 1-800-799-7233.