Tuesday, February 3, 2015

Standing Up for Yourself

Some people are born with the ability to stand up for themselves and not let others walk all over them emotionally, verbally, physically and other ways.

Others seem to be the 'forever doormat' because they despise confrontation or don't want to disagree with the other person.  This is very difficult when the person is your spouse or a close family member.

Years ago, I started to recognize the ways I was being treated, manipulated, and verbally abused by supposed friends, co-workers and my spouse. Thankfully 95% of those people referred to are no longer in my life because either God removed them from my circle of contacts or God delivered me to a better place and for that I am eternally thankful.

Standing up for yourself does not require using bad language, loud tone of voice or even being 'nasty' to a person verbally.  It simply requires that you take a stand for what you will allow around you and what you will not allow to happen to you.

Back in the early 90's a co-worker told me that if someone angers you then they control you. I learned that lesson and had to work hard to get over my first husband (and anything he did or said) getting to me with every phone call or contact. Last week, I heard that quote again and funny enough, the person that quoted it to me, was causing pain herself.

Asking someone to help you do something requires a willing and teachable spirit but don't let the coach/teacher cross the line into abusive language. Giving ideas and showing you how to do something with encouraging words and offering assistance is fine, but once you push them into a position of fear with you, you have lost all credibility with that person. You have lost their trust.

Never ever push someone while they are down. They know they messed up and usually they know how to recover. If they ask for assistance, then give it to them, but don't push your opinions or ways of doing things on them, you will lose them.

When I was a Girl Scout leader, I loved teaching the girls new things and I was blessed with crafty co-leaders who could even teach the craft-challenged (that's me) how to make or create things with simple supplies.  The girls got a kick out of watching 'Sarge' learn how to tie a lanyard, learn line-dancing or even some of those more difficult knots. 

I choose to teach with a smile on my face and I always learn something from my team as well. Tonight is our workshop and we always laugh and learn along the way.

I hope this message showed you both sides of teaching/coaching and what ways may help you reach your 'students'. Kindness goes much further than beating on someone when they are down. Yelling gets you no where.

If you are in danger, seek help! 1-800-799-7233 Is the Domestic Violence Hotline and no one is immune to violence either at home, school or the workplace.  Take Care of yourself and Stand Up!