Tuesday, February 3, 2015

Flooded by Emotions, yet Thankful

Yesterday, I decided to give in and go to the doctor.  I hate going to the doctor because I often feel very exposed and vulnerable in a doctor's office.  There are only 2 doctors in my life I can think of who truly sat and listened to me and what mattered to me.  Yesterday I returned to see one of them because I needed a doctor's care.

I was nervous about what they would say and prayed that all things would work out with my insurance and all those issues.  I realized yesterday that my insurance card was in my previous last name and hoped that would not pose a problem in being treated and receiving prescriptions.

Once I checked in at the front desk, they called me back up and I had to explain that technically I was not a new patient and that I had been seen by this doctor 4-5 years ago under a different name but that I really needed to be seen.  They took my information and I sat down to fill out all the paperwork.

They called me back up to the desk because I had a balance due. I had no idea that any money was owed to this doctor's office for services given back 4-5 years ago.  I almost went into panic mode.  I told them I had to check my finances to see if I could pay the bill so that I could be seen without having to reschedule my appointment.  I did some quick calculations, said a thankful prayer for provision and told them that I could pay the balance due. 

By this time I had tears in my eyes. Tears of frustration and embarrassment over a bill that I thought was long ago paid by my now ex husband.  This brought back a flood of emotions that I usually have tucked away and no one sees.   I was so thankful they allowed me to pay the bill, spoke quietly to me, that I had the money to pay the bill and how kind they were to me.  I simply said to them thank you and said, "You know, the divorce has been final a while but it never ceases to amaze me how many things come back around to remind me of the pain." 

So then I waited my turn to see the doctor and even though it had been 4-5 years, they pulled up all my records and everyone in that office (and the lab across the hall) were super nice and kind to me.  The doctor even said to me how glad he was that I was back in the area and chose him (again) for my medical care.

I now have medication that I needed and treatment for other issues. I am so very thankful for that doctor, his staff and everyone I came in contact with yesterday.  They may never know how much their kindness and smile helped me through a rough emotional time.

I am also thankful that God has blessed me with the courage to stand up for myself and the eyes to see that every good and perfect thing comes from him. I truly felt like God had reached down and hugged me in the midst of all that yesterday. To the human eye, I may appear alone, but I know I am not alone because God is with me every day and every night in every situation.

If you are in a dangerous home situation, please seek a way out. Save this number in your phone (call it pizza joe's or something other than domestic violence so the abuser doesn't see it)  1-800-799-7233. Each of us have a purpose, we must find the courage to seek it and develop it and use it for the Kingdom of God.