Friday, December 26, 2014

Warning Signs

Most people try to see the best in a potential mate when they are in the dating phase.  We often overlook things that should be labeled with a red neon sign "warning, warning".  I am guilty of overlooking warning signs with both my past marriages.

1) Finances
If they cannot tell you where they spent their paycheck or refuse to tell you what is going on (because a bill bounced), you have a problem. 

Finances were a major issue in my first marriage because he often took money out of the bank causing an overdraft and then I would feel guilty and get yelled at or punished for the lack of funds when he wanted to go to lunch with his Army buddies. I grew to hate money in general and became very anxious and fearful every pay day that I would mess up the bills somehow. 

My second husband would call when the money was not there when he wanted it or if something got messed up and it was a huge issue for me. We always had food on the table and the bills eventually got paid but I was afraid he would get violent once when the water got cut off because the bill went unpaid and he was away at training at the correction academy.  I am thankful my parents were able to help me pay the bill and it all worked out but I definitely had a few sleepless nights. After one physically abusive husband, I expected them all to be that way. The second husband and I argued about money but he never hit me over the bills or lack of funds, even though he was very frustrated and angry at times. 

Toward the end of the marriage after he had 'jokingly' asked for a divorce in 2010, he started hiding money in an account that I had no access to. But he actually told my daughter about the account and she told me he had money hidden away. That was a huge 'red alert' that I lived with but dealt with and kept in the back of my mind when he said there was no money yet he disappeared for 48 hours at a time when he felt the urge to get away. 

2) Flirting
There is NO REASON for a man/woman in a committed relationship to flirt with someone of the opposite sex.
 a) If you hear co-workers being overly friendly
 b) off-color jokes
 c) double meanings in every text message
 d) working late/dinner meetings

Open your eyes (or pray they be opened and God give you the grace to accept what you see) and see what is going on. I knew the affairs/flings were going on. 2 1/2 years after he dumped me at the storage facility and I can give you names/dates of nearly every affair I had knowledge of in the 11 years we were married.  It was manipulation in the cruelest form and I know first-hand how much it hurts. 

I pray that you don't have to deal with this, but if you see the signs, call and ask for help. There is ALWAYS a way out and way to get through it. Yes It will hurt, but From the other side, I can tell you there is COMPLETE PEACE in knowing you are no longer connected to them or responsible for them/their actions.

Love, Peace and Joy to you this season  -- I hope you are happy, healthy and recovering every day. You can be stronger and you can help another person because of the journey you have traveled thus far.  Every Test is eventually a TESTIMONY if we let God Help /GUIDE us through the storm.