I have come to recently realize that I block my emotions.
I have learned to turn them off because some of them are so painful.
I have never been a doting mom or 'best friend' to my children. I never wanted to be those things. Most of the years I was a single parent, I was in survival mode and just did what was necessary to put food on the table or make things a little better each week for them both.
I did my best to attend their Girl Scout, Cub Scout events and award ceremonies. I was at 99% of the plays and choir performances and supported nearly everything they brought home from school if I could find a way to financially do so.
My children are now grown (ages 24 and 23) and have children of their own to raise.
When Kourtney and Nikolai are around, I love spending time with them, but I don't take it for granted or demand their attention. I know they have their lives to lead and that is the way I raised them. I wanted them to be independent and self-reliant.
My son Brian lives in Colorado and I do talk to him at least once a week and sometimes get photos or have the opportunity to use Skype to see them and let them know I love them too. (He has 2 children Kaden & Abby.)
Never doubt that I love my kids and wish I could financially give them everything they want or need. They are on my mind daily and I want the best for them.
As we enter the week of Christmas Day, most people I know are scrambling for just the right gift or looking for that old family recipe to prepare. I am not doing any of those things. I chose to buy a few small gifts online and already have them wrapped and ready to give out on Sunday when our family is having our get-together so that my sisters and daughter can have their Christmas at home with their families and meet all the other family obligations they have.
Where will I be on Christmas Day? I will probably go to the movies alone and then visit my friend that has a Japanese restaurant and watch football with them that day.
I do not view Christmas as Jesus' birthday, nor have I ever had a nativity set. In fact, one year I was given one and quickly re-gifted it at a Dirty Santa event when I worked for THDA. It is not something I decorate with therefore I saw no reason to keep it.
I have always been taught and believed that no day is above any other day. We do not know exactly when Jesus was born in that manger. I choose to say that Jesus is the reason for EVERY season not just Christmas time. Simply put, I am a Christian that refuses to get caught up in the hype of a man-made holiday.
I believe that Jesus was born of a virgin and born in Bethlehem on that starry night and He died for our sins to save us so that we might join him in heaven when he comes back for us.
Take care of yourselves this holiday season and know that you are not required to do anything or spend time with anyone you don't want to be around. You choose what to do. Choose stress or happiness. It is Up to YOU!
Be a blessing and encourage someone today but please don't push your beliefs on them. Be kind in all things. The number for the Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-7233 and take care!