Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Be a Builder!

There is a very fine line between helping someone every time they call and being their enabler. 

I have been in co-dependent relationships and it is very difficult to get out of them. You come to believe that you cannot survive without the other person.

Sometimes they give you guilt trips for not helping them when they can plainly help themselves.  It is very difficult to see this happen to friends, family and others we hold dear.

One thing I know for sure is this:
When you get in line with God's will and what God's word says your life will turn around.

When the world says "no way", God shows you the way.

When the world says "give up", God says hang on and trust my timing.

The old saying goes, "Rome wasn't built in a day". But we know in many days time, Rome was built.  So put in your time, do the work and refuse to quit.

I want the best for everyone in 2015 and I know it is possible when you make the effort to work hard, do your best and get yourself on the right path.

If you are not sure what God's path is, then get out your Bible and read it to find out what God would have you do.

As we close 2014, choose to stay the course and keep your eyes on the prize.  I am going into 2015 with the words "I BELIEVE" in my heart.

I have one favor to ask, that you share my blog with others so that it might reach those who need it most.  On the surface you may not see someone who needs encouraging, so please don't pre-judge people. 

Be helpful and Do No Harm! Stay Safe and Take Care of Yourself!
Call 1-800-799-7233 if you need assistance. See you next year!

Sunday, December 28, 2014


I recently visited my storage unit. That may not seem like much but it is still difficult to walk into that rented space and see all the pieces of my life sitting on shelves or in boxes.

My old wedding dress hangs in the corner and I have offered it to a few friends I know who sew to use to make dresses.

My camping gear sits ready for the next adventure, and the old clothes are waiting to be taken to goodwill.

I found a few older items from the early days of my business. I cannot wait to surprise my team with gifts for their hard work with the prizes I found.

In many ways digging stuff out of that storage unit and selling them or getting rid of them is a lot like cleaning out our lives.  There comes a time when we know we have to face facts, take a deep breath and just open a box and dispose of the items, use the items or give them away.

I stood in that space yesterday and cried over things I found that represented my children and my business.  A piece or two of me was healed yesterday as I found long-lost things and I was reminded what is truly important.

Clear out your own storage (aka your mind/thoughts) and you will travel lighter for the new year!

I do not know what God has ahead for me in 2015 but I know it will be great! God doesn't leave his children. Sometimes the children leave Him, but God never moves. Trust Him and Don't you ever give up!

I pray you have a peaceful week and leave 2014 where it is and don't take anything with you into the new year that you truly do not need. Be Blessed!

Friday, December 26, 2014

Warning Signs

Most people try to see the best in a potential mate when they are in the dating phase.  We often overlook things that should be labeled with a red neon sign "warning, warning".  I am guilty of overlooking warning signs with both my past marriages.

1) Finances
If they cannot tell you where they spent their paycheck or refuse to tell you what is going on (because a bill bounced), you have a problem. 

Finances were a major issue in my first marriage because he often took money out of the bank causing an overdraft and then I would feel guilty and get yelled at or punished for the lack of funds when he wanted to go to lunch with his Army buddies. I grew to hate money in general and became very anxious and fearful every pay day that I would mess up the bills somehow. 

My second husband would call when the money was not there when he wanted it or if something got messed up and it was a huge issue for me. We always had food on the table and the bills eventually got paid but I was afraid he would get violent once when the water got cut off because the bill went unpaid and he was away at training at the correction academy.  I am thankful my parents were able to help me pay the bill and it all worked out but I definitely had a few sleepless nights. After one physically abusive husband, I expected them all to be that way. The second husband and I argued about money but he never hit me over the bills or lack of funds, even though he was very frustrated and angry at times. 

Toward the end of the marriage after he had 'jokingly' asked for a divorce in 2010, he started hiding money in an account that I had no access to. But he actually told my daughter about the account and she told me he had money hidden away. That was a huge 'red alert' that I lived with but dealt with and kept in the back of my mind when he said there was no money yet he disappeared for 48 hours at a time when he felt the urge to get away. 

2) Flirting
There is NO REASON for a man/woman in a committed relationship to flirt with someone of the opposite sex.
 a) If you hear co-workers being overly friendly
 b) off-color jokes
 c) double meanings in every text message
 d) working late/dinner meetings

Open your eyes (or pray they be opened and God give you the grace to accept what you see) and see what is going on. I knew the affairs/flings were going on. 2 1/2 years after he dumped me at the storage facility and I can give you names/dates of nearly every affair I had knowledge of in the 11 years we were married.  It was manipulation in the cruelest form and I know first-hand how much it hurts. 

I pray that you don't have to deal with this, but if you see the signs, call and ask for help. There is ALWAYS a way out and way to get through it. Yes It will hurt, but From the other side, I can tell you there is COMPLETE PEACE in knowing you are no longer connected to them or responsible for them/their actions.

Love, Peace and Joy to you this season  -- I hope you are happy, healthy and recovering every day. You can be stronger and you can help another person because of the journey you have traveled thus far.  Every Test is eventually a TESTIMONY if we let God Help /GUIDE us through the storm.

Thursday, December 25, 2014

Do No Harm

Christmas 2014.

It is now here and the hustle and bustle will be over after today. Take time to love yourself and rest through it all.

Enjoy and cherish the moments with family for you never know when your 'family' will change.  I pray we all have peace in our daily lives and choose to do no harm.

When you cause another harm, you are causing pain. That is never a good thing and know that you will reap what you sow.  Sow good things and you will reap good things.

I do my best to not seek vengeance or wish harm on those who have hurt me. This is not an easy journey but forgiving those in my past who hurt me is the only way to let it all go.

God wants all of his children to turn to him, lean on him and ask him for everything they need. Chase and pursue God and you will have no time to cause pain to another human being. 

I spent many years full of hatred toward my first spouse and all it did was create a lot of pain that took me many years to overcome.  Air your grievances and tell others what they have done to hurt you and seek reconciliation or peaceful communication. Trust me on this, it is easier to sleep at night when you seek peace instead of strife.

All things are possible with God and I pray you have peace today!

I wish all of you a Merry Christmas and A Happy New Year.

Friday, December 19, 2014

Emotion Blocker

I have come to recently realize that I block my emotions.
I have learned to turn them off because some of them are so painful.

I have never been a doting mom or 'best friend' to my children. I never wanted to be those things. Most of the years I was a single parent, I was in survival mode and just did what was necessary to put food on the table or make things a little better each week for them both.

I did my best to attend their Girl Scout, Cub Scout events and award ceremonies. I was at 99% of the plays and choir performances and supported nearly everything they brought home from school if I could find a way to financially do so.

My children are now grown (ages 24 and 23) and have children of their own to raise.

When Kourtney and Nikolai are around, I love spending time with them, but I don't take it for granted or demand their attention. I know they have their lives to lead and that is the way I raised them. I wanted them to be independent and self-reliant. 

My son Brian lives in Colorado and I do talk to him at least once a week and sometimes get photos or have the opportunity to use Skype to see them and let them know I love them too. (He has 2 children Kaden & Abby.)

Never doubt that I love my kids and wish I could financially give them everything they want or need. They are on my mind daily and I want the best for them. 

As we enter the week of Christmas Day, most people I know are scrambling for just the right gift or looking for that old family recipe to prepare.  I am not doing any of those things. I chose to buy a few small gifts online and already have them wrapped and ready to give out on Sunday when our family is having our get-together so that my sisters and daughter can have their Christmas at home with their families and meet all the other family obligations they have.

Where will I be on Christmas Day?  I will probably go to the movies alone and then visit my friend that has a Japanese restaurant and watch football with them that day.

I do not view Christmas as Jesus' birthday, nor have I ever had a nativity set. In fact, one year I was given one and quickly re-gifted it at a Dirty Santa event when I worked for THDA. It is not something I decorate with therefore I saw no reason to keep it.

I have always been taught and believed that no day is above any other day. We do not know exactly when Jesus was  born in that manger. I choose to say that Jesus is the reason for EVERY season not just Christmas time. Simply put, I am a Christian that refuses to get caught up in the hype of a man-made holiday.

I believe that Jesus was born of a virgin and born in Bethlehem on that starry night and He died for our sins to save us so that we might join him in heaven when he comes back for us. 

Take care of yourselves this holiday season and know that you are not required to do anything or spend time with anyone you don't want to be around.  You choose what to do. Choose stress or happiness. It is Up to YOU!

Be a blessing and encourage someone today but please don't push your beliefs on them. Be kind in all things. The number for the Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-7233 and take care!

Thursday, December 18, 2014

Continually Amazed

As 2014 draws to a close, I am overwhelmed with thankfulness for the many blessings showered on me and my family/friends this year.

I have had a front row seat to watching God change situations that seemed impossible from the human viewpoint.

Nothing is impossible with God.
Marriages can be healed, children can be reunited with their parents, parent-child relationships can be healed and those depressed can find hope when they had all but given up.

In the business world, we are taught that you get nothing if you don't ask for it. But me personally in the past couple of weeks have been caught with the feeling of "Wow, I have so many blessings, how dare I ask for more?"

I said this to my pastor last night and he said but God can handle it and God wants us to completely lean on him for every need. 

The message today is to be thankful for all things and you will continue to see blessings and favor every where you look.

If you need assistance getting out of a dangerous living situation, please call the hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or if in immediate danger call 911. Take care of yourself so you can take care of your children. They need you whether you believe it or not!

Monday, December 15, 2014

5 tips for the holiday season

Many of us love the holiday season and the decorating, gift-giving and all that goes with it. Many of us despise the holiday season because we feel that it is full of greed and things we have to attend.  Our past usually is a big factor in how we approach any 'forced' gathering that we are expected to attend.

Here are five simple things that can help you get through the next couple of weeks and hopefully my experiences will help you to be true to yourself without hurting other peoples feelings at the same time.

1) Genuinely Say Thank You to your host or those who give you a gift.
2) Smile & Engage in small talk with those you are comfortable with.
3) Attend the family get-together with boundaries set before hand.
4) Drive yourself to the event (so that if or when things get uncomfortable, you have an escape route)
5) Schedule a day with no where to be - You deserve to let your mind rest during all the chaos of the holiday schedule and you will be better off for resting.

I have a retreat (known as my room) but I also have back-up plans to get out of the house if need be so that I can function.

Disclaimer: I am not a doctor, just a survivor and I hope my experiences can help you have a holiday season with good memories. We all need good memories to reflect on.

Be a blessing to others in any way you can. Take care of yourself, God only made one of you and you are precious in his sight.

Call 1-800-799-7233 for the Domestic Violence HotLine if you need assistance for your situation this week. Call 911 if you are in immediate danger. Please ask for help. You are not alone!

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Seeking Approval

We as humans often seek the approval of others. I suppose it starts when we are little and want a reward from mom/dad for doing something the way they want us to.

When you are learning to walk, talk, eat and in school you do need to conform and learn to do certain things to get along and function in society, school, church and other types of things. 

But when you are a grown-up, why do we continue to seek approval of others? I am guilty of this and have spent years trying to earn the approval of an ex-husband, friend, co-worker, supervisors and others in my life. For the most part, having their approval meant nothing in the end. 

There is a point some people get to in life where they are simply addicted to getting others approval and if someone dislikes them or disagrees with them, they can't or won't handle it and often push you out of their life if you don't "cave in to their way of thinking".

This is also a way to manipulate others and when taken too far can be emotional and even verbal abuse.

Last week, I caught myself seeking someone's approval and it was like a lightbulb went on over my head when I realized that I was choosing to allow recognition from another human determine my opinion of my own self-worth.  I was instantly reminded of something I was told a long time ago. Never judge yourself by other humans, instead the only measuring stick we should use is the Bible. 

It is completely okay to have goals that are similar to others but please don't ever say you want to be just like another person because you don't know what they sacrificed to get what they have.

Spend your free time doing something that makes you happy or serves others, but be sure it is of YOUR CHOOSING and not someone else's wishes.  It is OK to say "NO" at times and tell people your true opinions and it is OK to opt out of gatherings, parties and events you truly don't want to attend.  And you don't have to even give a reason why!

I challenge you to exercise your "No Muscle" and see how good it makes you feel not to have to go to that event you really didn't want to be at anyway. Be honest and Relax this holiday season. I want to see you smiling even if you are just out walking in the park enjoying the cool winter air.

First and foremost I always want my message to be about freedom and overcoming the impossible. With God Nothing is impossible!  Take care of yourself and your family and enjoy the moments because they soon become memories.

Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Full Circle

We here on earth may think that things take 'forever' to happen. We work and work and never actually see the process behind the scenes that puts the puzzle of our life blessings into place.

23 years ago (December 1, 1991 to be exact) I got on a plane in Panama Canal Zone with 2 small children and came home to Tennessee.  My marriage was done, he had cheated on me and I moved home because I couldn't live with the abuse or him any longer. I was afraid the abuse would transfer to my children so I had to get out of there.

Most of my life story is written down now in this blog (sorry, not in chronological order) so if you have been reading along, you know a big part of the past 23 years. Here is a summary:

*Single Parent for 11 years
*Remarried and that spouse cheated on me too
*Divorced in 2013
*Working hard to move forward and get on with my life keeping myself in church and focused on God's word.

I joined PartyLite in 2003 and the friends, mentors, customers, and extended family through PartyLite has kept me going and motivated in ways I cannot put into words. I had goals with the company and sometimes I met them and sometimes I got scared and quit trying.

November of 2013 I had a conversation with my SRVP where I committed to helping others in the business and asked for her help in building a team here in TN.  We had a lot of bumps in the road, but I became Team Builder May 1st and then one of my teammates reached Team Builder June 1st and we have been working together to grow the team here in TN and other areas as well.

As of December 1, 2014 my team has helped me achieve a PartyLite dream and I now have the title of Unit Leader (If you are local to Middle Tennessee, you might have heard the screaming from the rooftops over the weekend.) We all had to work hard at the goal at the same time to achieve this and I know that God surely blessed each of my team and their businesses during this journey. Without God there would not be a Never Give Up Unit here in Tennessee.

I am overwhelmed with thankfulness and emotion as all the changes to my title became official and I am so blessed with friends in direct sales who totally understand what this means to me. If you don't know, being friends with someone who actively works their direct sales business can be difficult at times because we don't often 'clock-out'.

Many many thanks to those who have cheered me on, asked how I was doing, ordered, hosted and listened while I talked it all out.  You believed in me and that helps so much!

So Yesterday 23 years after leaving the first abusive husband with babies in hand, I got a promotion with a company that believes in men and women and supports them. If you want more information on joining PartyLite please visit or comment below.

Please don't ever give up. It is a saying many say but few do. Don't let that divorce, bad relationship, icky person at the office put you or your dreams down. Go For It!!

If you are in danger, please call for options at 1-800-799-7233 or immediate danger call 911.
There is ALWAYS a way out if you choose it. Pray and Believe!