Thursday, October 23, 2014

Searching

Do you find yourself always searching for the next 'great thing'?

Someone told me recently that they have destroyed really good things they had in their life because they spent all their time searching for something better instead of taking care of what they had at home.

This person was referring to both relationships and jobs and I have to say I admire his honesty. I know this person very well and I can understand where he is coming from.

Unfortunately this is how most marriages end because one person was seeking something better and ignored what great people/situation they had already at home but they were unable or unwilling to see the forest for the trees.

Some friendships are like this as well. 

1) People are your friend to get something out of you and once you are of no use to them, they vanish and quit texting or calling you. 

2) Others come into our life wanting to fix us and once we are no longer willing to be their project of the week, they panic and 'toss us out' of their lives.

Lesson: If we are lucky, being tossed from their lives is exactly what we needed to wake up and realize that we didn't really need them to begin with.

If you start a relationship (friendship or otherwise) with the intent to fix someone then you are setting yourself up to hurt them in ways you cannot imagine. You also will be hurt in the process if you don't open your eyes and see what pain you have caused by treating this person in that way.

The best friendships are those that have the others best interest at heart and is full of give and take.  Sometimes you need to lean on someone and sometimes they need to lean on you. But when you are overwhelmed at home and don't wish to share just how rough things are, the other person may see you as cold and uncaring when that is just not the case. 

When I am overwhelmed, I go into auto-pilot and batten down the hatches and refuse to let anything or anyone in.  The few that are determined enough to punch through the walls, see the true, ugly situation that I am dealing with.  My son refers to this as 'onion syndrome' because you have to really want to know what is going on to pull back layer after layer.

Don't assume you know what is going on with someone just because you have known them for years. Unless you live with them and see them everyday.. I seriously doubt you truly know what is going on with them. And then if people are really good at hiding, then you may live with someone and never know exactly the root of the problem.

Constantly show love and kindness and please do not throw scripture at them unless you are sure they are mentally in a place to accept it. Sometimes listening is all you can do and that will be appreciated when it is all said and done.