Friday, June 27, 2014

Growth in the midst of Confusion

I believe that growth can happen every day if we choose to see the daily opportunities.  Even my day at the dentist was a chance for me to learn to trust another human being with my welfare and trust that this person had my best interest at heart and not just a piece of my paycheck.

I will be the first to admit I have tons of trust issues both in my business, my work and my personal life. I have been hurt in more ways than I could list. 

The one year anniversary date of my divorce being final is just around the corner and as I mark time, I wonder if I will ever truly be able to trust another man on this earth the way I initially trusted both of my ex-husbands.

I struggle to see anyone that I meet or that I am introduced to as an honest person because I have been so deeply hurt.  While I work daily to continually forgive and move forward, I have to struggle to take people at their word in every single situation. My normal reaction is to listen to them and then get into my car and tell myself not to expect too much.

None of us knows for sure where we will be 6 months from now, much less a year from now.

What I do know is that I am in complete control of what I do and say and I have made a promise to myself that I will not intentionally hurt another person with my words or actions.

Right now I am in a 'mode' of protecting myself and my family as much as possible. I rarely let anyone inside the circle these days. I am evaluating everyone in my circle of friends/acquaintances constantly to be sure that they are not a threat to how I want to live my life.

We must daily choose God over man and this goes for our friends, acquaintances, business partners and anyone we choose to spend our valuable time with. God gave us 24 hours and we must use those 24 hours for his glory or all the time is wasted.

I stand here confused and amazed at the same time. I see God's majesty in the clouds and and the beauty of the trees and nature all around us. I trust that my God is in control of it all and yet I still do not understand my purpose for still being on this earth. I feel my usefulness is gone.

I pray you have your eyes open to the ways to grow around you every day and I pray for your continued safety. Please call 911 for immediate danger and 1-800-799-7233 to get help from the domestic violence hotline. No one has the right to hurt you!