Saturday, May 31, 2014

Marking Time

We all mark time here on earth in some way. I have a calendar on my phone, an alarm clock on my phone, a calendar on my desk at the office and a business calendar for my business.

I have a knack for remembering dates and specific things about those dates. I can tell you what both of my ex husbands were wearing the day I met them, where I met them and most of the events of those days.  I also struggle on their birthdays, our anniversaries and even on good memory days with each of them. I hate this about myself and have often wished to be an android or a Vulcan so that I could not be emotional when these dates on the calendar creep up on me.

Yes, my divorce is still considered 'fresh' by a lot of people and memories still creep up on me when I least expect them. I do not readily speak about this cause of the eye-rolling and comments from well-meaning people telling me to just get over it already. I am still grieving in many ways because of all the lost dreams, plans and events that were supposed to happen when those relationships were new and seemingly healthy for all concerned.

There could be a 100 reasons for a single or married person to have a bad day, but it could also be a memory of a loved one that hit them in the middle of the day when they realized whose birthday was today out of the blue. Be kind and be gentle with others at all times, for you have no idea what they are going through no matter how well you believe you know the person.

I continue to fight the fight to go forward and make lots of great new memories with the people who are in my life today, this year and this month. I will not let my past defeat me because quite frankly, I don't live there anymore.

Travel with me to the Promised Land. There will be mistakes, mess ups, accidents and U-Turns as well as triumphs, blessings and births along the way.  I promise you the journey will be an adventure and once we arrive, we will know that the journey was worth it all.

Choosing to be positive no matter what the world says tonight.
Seek out those in your circles who will help you and don't let the naysayers win!

Friday, May 30, 2014

Bullies, Prayer and Forgiveness

Bullies are everywhere. They are in our churches, our youth groups, our homes, marriages, our workplace and our families and our friends probably bully some one in some way at times. I don't believe that most people wake up in the morning with a list of people to make miserable. I do believe that bullying/manipulation is a choice people make to get their way.

When you see a group of teenagers and someone says something mean to one person and then realizes that the statement hurt their feelings and then the offender comes back saying, "oh, lighten up, I was just kidding around." This is bullying in the passive aggressive form.  They got away with putting someone down in a social setting and likely got some laughs from a group they wanted popularity with.  But this happens in tons of social settings (birthday parties, going away parties, office events, etc.) because those who are loud & boisterous can get away with it because the person they chose to belittle/put down will choose silence and will not cause a scene. 

When the bullied person dares to speak up to the bully, they usually get a dirty look or the silent treatment from the group and that enforces the behavior in the bully because they see the event as a win for them and their 'status' in the group.

I am 43 years old and have had something very similar happen to me about 4 times this year. It throws me into a tailspin and I do consider leaving the group because I felt picked on and belittled.  I also thought everyone in the group felt that way about me.  But I have realized over the past few weeks that the bullying I am going through is a person being used by the devil to push me away from my church family that is so near and dear to my heart. I took my issues and questions to my pastor and he assured me that this person has no right to push me away and that I have every right to be a part of the congregation no matter what this other person says about me to my face or behind my back. 

I have been told recently that my prayer life was not correct or good enough to help others. I have been told that I don't have enough faith to pray for people or things in my life that I want to see changed.  I also took that to my pastor and he confirmed that it was another attack on my belief and faith.

I have not yet found the strength to confront this person about the specific events. When I am moved to freely speak to this person, I will confront them and tell them how they have hurt me and how they were being used to push me out of the Kingdom of God.

Because of all these recent attacks on me and my family, my prayers are now stronger and louder than before and my faith is stronger.  I do forgive this person for what they did to me because I do not believe they did it on purpose or realized how deeply they damaged our friendship.

Keep praying, keep reading the word and focus on the promises of God that you know are true. Do not let anyone in any church, work, family, friend, social setting change your mind about your faith. God will carry you through everything you are going through. Trust God and Don't give up!

If you need help out of a domestic situation please call 1-800-799-7233 and get help to get to a safe place. There are programs in place to help you. I am here standing on the other side as proof positive you can get through it!  My prayers and love for everyone reading this go out today for peace in your homes and wisdom for the situations you are facing. God Loves You!

Sunday, May 25, 2014

Memorial Day

Memorial Day is to remember those who didn't come home from the wars. Some areas also refer to this as Remembrance Day.

As a mom to a soldier and a mother in law to a man who served two tours overseas before his 23rd birthday, I have a deep abiding respect for those who serve and the families who keep going while the soldier/sailor is away.  In another lifetime, I was an Army wife and we were stationed in the Panama Canal Zone right after Noriega was ousted in 1990. I have seen the ugly remains of buildings and people after being in a war zone, and if you think it is glorious, you have simply seen too many hollywood movies in my opinion.

I spent part of 2011 as an employee at Middle TN State Veterans Cemetery and we would have up to 5 burials a day every day for every branch of service. At that time we were close to the 10,000 burial mark at the cemetery. Seeing that many families week to week in the short time I worked there, has forever made an impression on me.  You can argue about politics all day long, but don't forget about the ones who served.

I was at this same cemetery in 2009 when a dear friend of mine from Girl Scouts had to bury her mother. I always knew that her dad was retired from the Navy and both her parents are buried at MTSVC. So, you see, it is not just the soldiers/sailors buried there, the spouses can be interred as well.

Don't forget our veterans who came home and need medical attention, Don't forget the ones serving now (Ft. Carson is where my son is stationed) and please don't ever forget the sacrifice made for us over and over in every war that keeps our country free. 

God Loves you and God will never leave you.
Please get to a safe place and take care of yourself and your children.
My prayers are with every person reading this who is in a difficult and/or abusive situation. I pray you are safe and ask for help.

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Stand in the Chaos

Our lessons at church the past 7 weeks or so have been centered on Ephesians 6 where the Apostle Paul speaks about standing firm on our faith and teaches us to put on the whole armor of God.

Ephesians 6:12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

We as Christians must always stand ready to defend our faith to friends, family and even strangers. As we make our way on the journey of life, we come across obstacles in the form of friends, other Christians, family, work and many other things. If we take our eyes off of the goal, then the obstacles seem to grow.

A prize fighter always has their guard up ready to defend themselves and so must we as Christians. The enemy will come at us using anything and anyone to defeat us or lead us astray. Chaos does not come from God, chaos comes from the enemy to distract us and confuse us. Center your minds on the Word to remind yourself daily of where you are truly headed.

Last week, I was given the opportunity to share a bit of my story and was amazed and blessed by the coordinator and other speakers and attendees at the event who fully professed their faith during the conference. That event further inspired me to talk more freely about my faith and my own journey to freedom.

I encourage all women to stand strong and keep fighting and even defending your faith if you are called to do so. Let's stand together and lift each other up for there are enough negative people in the world who would be happy to tear us down.

If you are in danger or need options in your current domestic situation, please call 1-800-799-7233.

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

A Survivor's Story: Black or White - No Gray Area Here!

A Survivor's Story: Black or White - No Gray Area Here!: I rarely see any situation as a "gray area". That means that I see things in Black or White also known as right or wrong. This m...

Black or White - No Gray Area Here!

I rarely see any situation as a "gray area". That means that I see things in Black or White also known as right or wrong.

This might make you think I am strong-willed, bull-headed, stubborn or even narrow-minded and trust me I have been called ALL of those things my entire 43 years on this earth.

I believe doing something is worth doing that 'thing' well and with all you have in you. I believe in giving 100% even when you feel like garbage because your allergies are giving you fits.

One of my favorite movies of all time is Facing the Giants and here is one of my favorite scenes in the movie.

This is part of the 'death crawl" scene with Coach Grant Taylor and QB Brock on the field on their hands and knees.  This quote speaks volumes to me every day and reminds me to give everything I have. On days that I think I have nothing left to give, I think about this football player crawling across this field carrying another person and I know I have more to give.

I will not sign my name to something that is inaccurate.  I will not backdate documents for anyone because to me that is a lie as well. I was a Notary for years and took that duty pretty seriously as well.

The point of this post today on the blog is to always do your best to do your research and do the right thing whether you profit or not. It is better to sleep at night knowing you did the right thing than to have your conscious keep you up at night gnawing at you for something you did wrong.

Doing the right thing is not always the same as the easy thing, but it usually is the best choice. I wish you peace in your decision making and stay safe!

Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-7233.

Monday, May 5, 2014

Never Give Up

Never Give Up is a phrase that means several things to me personally.
It is my team name for my direct sales business, It is our team name for our Relay for Life Team here in Dickson, TN and it is a phrase that got me through the past few years of my failing marriage like a candle in a far away house on a hill.

Right now I am dealing with a bit of disappointment because I did not hit a huge goal I was working on. I was aiming to hit 2 levels of leadership in my direct sales company this past week. I hit the first goal with flying colors and that in itself I owe all to God for guiding me and blessing me and my team and our shows and events in the month of April. For that I am overwhelmingly humbled that I have come this far.

I got recognition and applause for hitting the first level and for that I am thankful. I have to work even harder this month to repeat the sales and sponsoring levels to hit the next step in the leadership levels our company recognizes and celebrates.  My team is new to the company and some are new to direct sales in general. There are days I don't even know what to say to motivate myself much less my growing team.

I say all this to show you and share with you just how vulnerable I truly am. I may be 'over' most of the pain and hurt of the divorce and all the garbage that goes along with it, but I still deal with it when I least expect it.  Sunday afternoon, I was hit with a big ball of realization that no matter what my title is or who I sit with at church, I am still alone when services are over and it brought me to tears and I cried myself to sleep on a Sunday afternoon.

I have many dreams and goals for my life and what I want to do to help other women who have suffered abuse in all its forms by men they vowed to stand beside 'til death do us part'. I want all of you to know that I am still standing and kicking on the other side of a final divorce decree and I have a great church family. Even though I have been a member there almost 2 years now, I am very slow to share my true pain with very many of them.

I dream of having my own apartment, my own place to decorate and crash at night when I don't want to talk to anyone. I dream of having friends over for Dr. Who marathons or Star Trek movie night and hopefully even having my grandchildren spend the night for a pizza/movie night one day all at my own place that I pay the bills on.

For now, I live with my parents who graciously put up with me and I try to stay out of everyone's way. I am writing this from my room (aka "My sanctuary") with the light on and the TV off cause I crave and need the silence instead of the noise.

I pray daily for guidance and words to say to my customers, my team and those around me because there are days when I just don't have the words to say. All I know at the end of the day right now is that God Loves me, My children and grandchildren know I love them and I will always be a phone call away if they need to talk or just need a shoulder.

I promised two little small children in 1993 that I would not give up on them and that promise has evolved into a promise to myself to "Never Give Up" the dreams I have for my business and for my life. God sent his only son to die for my sins and yours on that cruel cross, therefore who am I to think that I should give up the fight because I had a rough day.  Jesus gave it all and all to him I owe.

So Please, take my phrase and apply it to your own life and your own challenges and promise your self that you will Never Give Up on yourself. You are worth fighting for! 
If you are in Dickson, TN and want a friend to have coffee with, just send me a message. I am here to listen.

Be Safe and call 1-800-799-7233 to get help and resources for your situation. You are Loved!!