Monday, February 17, 2014

Be Gentle

Today I learned that my storage unit was a lot like my wounded heart. It is messy but it is all mine.

I have had this storage unit since X2 moved me back here to TN in July of 2012.  It's almost like a ghost of that U-Haul and him are still there watching me when I go there to get equipment or get rid of a piece of furniture. I have to go and get out of there or I risk getting sad and depressed because of all the history, memories and lost dreams that are there.  I see nothing but memories and heartache in that storage unit.

I sold some of my furniture and chose to go there today and thought we were only measuring the furniture. Well by the time we were ready to leave, my parents and I had loaded up that dresser in my parents SUV so it could be taken to my sister eventually.

Yes, there are boxes there falling apart, yes the boxes are in bad shape, but I don't care and I do not have the time or inclination to spend hours there organizing my past into cute little plastic bins for someone else who is OCD and finds fault with everything I do. What this person does not realize is that my heart and mind are still like those boxes and when you find fault with those boxes and that storage unit, you are finding fault with me.

So choose your words with kindness and don't badger me.  I am still hurting and wounded on the inside and you will never understand what I am going through unless you have been moved 'home' and dumped at a storage unit with little to no income in the hot summer sun. Being abandoned is something you don't readily get over like a skinned knee.

I am hurting pretty bad tonight but I will pick up the pieces again and be at work with a smile on my face ready to take on another day because I know my God does not find fault with me and I know he loves me no matter how messy my heart or life has been.

If you are in immediate danger please call 911 - Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).