Over the past couple of years, I have been heard to say, "Love is a 4-letter word". Some people get the phrase's meaning immediately, while others didn't understand my meaning at all (even when I explained my viewpoint). I had been hurt by those who supposedly loved me and therefore pushed all love away from me. It was hard to even cultivate and resurrect friendships when I moved back to Tennessee because I was so scarred. I still choose not to watch mushy love stories and rarely turn on the Hallmark channel for anything that is too touchy-feely in my viewpoint.
My divorce from #2 was final August 1, 2013 and that was my release point. From that point, I had to choose to make happier choices and do everything I could to move forward in life, in regards to friends and even workplace relationships. I chose to find happiness in other's happiness. If a friend was celebrating something great in her life, then I cheered her on. If another friend had lost a cousin to cancer, then I was there to listen. I chose to be there for others and I was empty (barren almost) on the inside.
As the past few months have passed and I got closer and closer to my Christmas Trip to visit my son out in Colorado, I realized that I didn't quit loving people. I simply became very guarded over those I extended my heart to, because I was so afraid my heart couldn't take another break. (Thank you Billy Ray Cyrus for verbiage there!) When my 22 year old son came up behind me at the baggage claim at the Denver Airport and said "Boo" in my ear, I jumped out of my skin, screamed like a little girl and then hugged him and cried on his shoulder. I had not seen my son in 18 months and it totally showed that day at the airport.
Just a few days ago, I was proud to be a guest at my daughter's 5 year vow renewal. She was a beautiful bride again. They eloped 5 years ago and got married at the courthouse with only a couple of people there with them. Seeing my daughter recommit to her husband and how much love they have in their marriage relationship helps me believe in love again.
For the record, I do believe in Love and I will continue to reach out and be the best person I can be in 2014. I will not be a doormat, but I will not be a hermit either. I will help others and be the best friend I can to those in my life.
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