Sunday, December 8, 2013

Forgive Yourself!

Many of us going through abusive marriages, separations and eventual divorce experience a great amount of guilt for the decisions we had to make in our path to survival. Society even blames women (or mothers) in many situations.  This unfortunately leads most women to feeling guilty about nearly everything in their lives.

God does not want any of his creation to live in guilt.  As His children, we are highly favored and are to live in the blessings we have been given.  Yes, there are difficult days, weeks and seasons that we do not readily see the end in sight to our troubles.  But, I can tell you that everything you are going through will eventually end one way or the other.

I find myself lately over-analyzing every conversation I have had in the past 2 years with my ex-husband.  Sometimes I really obsess and worry about what I said or why I gave him that information.  I can no longer control what he does or says, but I can control how I react to him and his questions. 

We are taught that we must forgive to receive forgiveness from the Father in Heaven.  This is all too true.  God forgives us of so much and promises us an eternity with Him in Heaven.  We too, have to forgive ourselves. Some people refer to it as letting yourself off the hook or letting go.

 My first divorce was final in February of 1993 and I still am haunted by things from that marriage.  My second divorce was final just a few months earlier this year and as I am sure you can understand, I am still dealing with all the emotions of separation and divorce at this time. I have to almost weekly stop and shake off the negative emotions that attack me from my memories. For years, I blamed myself for the abuse I received & I blamed myself for the cheating that happened in both marriages as well.

I have often gone to the ladies room to clear my head, wash my face and I silently stare at the mirror and tell my reflection that I did all that I knew to do at the time and by the grace of God I am free and neither of them can hurt me anymore.

Please consider this article as a suggestion to forgive yourself and stop beating yourself up for things you remember and things you may have long forgotten.

If you are in immediate danger, please call 911 for help.  For a 24-hour National Domestic Violence Hotline, call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).