I have anxiety attacks every now and then. Last night at a dinner, I was sitting there waiting for the event to start and all of a sudden I had this very strong urge to leave for no apparent reason. I literally had to calm myself down and make myself stay at the dinner. I chose to change where I was sitting so that I could calm myself and gather my thoughts. A few people noticed and asked if I was okay, most didn't notice or if they did, they chose not to say anything. I knew 90 percent of the people in attendance at this gathering yet, I was faced with feelings of loneliness and sadness that I could not control at first.
Over the past 5 years (maybe more), I have had issues with anxiety and depression. My closest friends know this about me and help me get through it. I have attended events with thousands of people in attendance and long lines and never once got panicky. Some events I attend, I go with a small group and some I have attended all by myself. I even attended a Joyce Meyer conference in Nashville by myself and that was a major accomplishment for me in 2009 since that time frame was filled with depression in my personal life.
My 2 closest friends last night cornered me and told me it was okay to be nervous and upset and even freaked out but that I can't let my emotions win. I still cry at the drop of the hat when something reminds me that I am alone this year at the holidays. These two ladies know the feeling all too well and are helping me push through the emotions. So today, I dedicate this article to my buddies J and F for always being there for me and pushing, pulling or dragging me when I need it. I love you both for being there for me!
If you are in immediate danger, please call 911 for help. For a 24-hour National Domestic Violence Hotline, call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).